December 17th 2007

Reading Old Entries is Always Amazing. I've come so far in my life...

New Years Reflection:

So it is almost that time. The time where everyone begins to contemplate all of their New Year resolutions. This always gets me thinking. Thinking about what has happened to me, how I have changed, grown throughout the year, and how far I have come. This year I have made new friends, become closer with current friends, and grown apart with others. Friendship is truly the most important thing in my life. Everyone should have someone in their life to go, be there for them, or just chill out with. The friends that I have grown apart from will always be apart of my life in someway. They have all made an impact on me and I have learned and grew from them all. Through my new found friendships I've learned that everyone does need someone there for them no matter what. I have always practiced this but it has become more relevant as time has passed.

I've learned that is OK to need someone. So many people say that you should never need anyone in your life. You should want them in your life. I have come to realize that it is actually a little of both but one more than the other as it grows. Relationships are amazing. They do take work no matter what anyone says. Yes, you shouldn't have to push for something in the beginning because if it was truly meant to be it would not be so hard. Everyone that has been in my life I've learned to be more and more open with them. It really is hard to open up to someone with the chance of getting hurt but you know what, it's ok. These things happen and if you don't just put yourself out there and take that chance. It is never really worthwhile. One thing I never want to do is look back and think what if. What if I did more? What if I just said that one thing or did that one thing? It would truly haunt me for my life if I had to do that. This goes with everything I do though. Lately I have been incredibly upfront with people and not holding back. If people really feel the way you think they do or hope, you will never really find out unless you confront them or just ask. It never does hurt to ask anyone anything. Always best to just get through it and deal with the situation instead of letting it grow into something that it is not.

Everyone knows me as the incredibly optimistic, happy go lucky guy. This is true about me but as with everyone I do get down sometimes. I really try not to dwell on anything. I strongly whole heartedly believe that if it was meant to be it will be. "What will be, Will be as some say. If it's going to happen it will, if not then eh so what. Move on, learn from it, and make, do, or be a better person because of it. Sometimes it hurts and is difficult to move on but, "What does not kill you makes you Rambo." The other night I was watching this movie and one thing the actor said in it is. "You know in a crazy sort of way I am glad that It happened. Cause you gotta get knocked down to get back up and all that." He was talking about being cheated on and how it felt. But putting in context with life in general. Think about it, sometimes life has to kick you in the butt in order to realize your strength, what you are capable of, realize who you are and all.

This year has truly been a mind blowing, life altering year. I've traveled to so many places. Been through a lot of let downs and disappointments but through it all I am still standing and stronger than before. I am incredibly grateful for those that have been there and also to myself for having the will to bare it all alone when I had to. I'm even more grateful for the new friendships I have made. I've grown to be a better person and still have some growing to do. This life is a journey and until it ends I'm living every day to its limit. Carpe Diem, Carpe Diem. Always looking forward, learning from the past but never looking back. No Regrets. Looking forward to the new adventures I shall encounter in life

Jersey Throw Back

Tonight I have been reading through my journal and want to post a few old entries. They are all truly Amazing...It's funny how my life in California has been anticipated for so long.

Just about life

Current mood:artistic

Today has really been a chill/mellow day. I listened to Jack Johnson pretty much all day. Yeah I'm a California surfer at heart. I know. I've been told. This just got me thinking about life. Past, Present, and future. I miss living in the city, but at the same time i feel so lucky to be here in the quiet country like neighborhood. On days like these i feel so incredible to be able to enjoy the beauty of nature without all the hustle and bustle of the city. This truly is a beautiful world we live in and people sometimes need to step back and just take a look around. Even in the worst of situations and surroundings. Still have to find the beauty in it. I've always been the type that loves being around people, interacting, all the time. Living in the city that was pretty much every day. Becoming street smart and then becoming book smart second. Being able to go anywhere and just go out at anytime without the worry of something closing and having no where to go. I've learned though while living in jersey. Life isn't all about that. You learn that the simplest things are truly the greatest moments in life. I love alone time cause i do not at all get it enough. At the same time being with a friend, driving around aimlessly with no destination in sight. Random road trips. Random destinations. Driving to the beach on a chilly winter day but still being able to have every bit of fun if not more as you would in the summer. Chilling outside of Wendy's just talking about life or nothing at all. Such Incredibly Amazing times i've had. Best times of my life.

Looking towards the future and the present. Life just seems to only be getting better. Friendships becoming tighter, learning from past mistakes, and just moving on with my life.

In a few months I will be living in San Diego, CA. I'm scared and incredibly excited at the same time. It is the first time that i will be living alone for such an extended period of time. Will i return to the east coast. Who knows. I use to be sure and say yeah I'm coming back. But not now i honestly don't know. Only time will tell. I'm excited for new friends i will make, Amazingly Brilliant adventures await, and experiences that i know will be with me for a life time.

Ahh i just had all of these thoughts inside me. Had to get them out. I know to some this might not make any sense at all but to others this will surely just be as clear as day. Anyway what i am saying is thanks for reading everyone. Love you always and forever even if sometimes you don't feel it.

On my Mind

This past weekend was incredible. I had the most amazing time being with friends that I have not seen in a while and celebrating the success of graduation for others as well. One thing that has completely stuck in my mind though was something one of my dear friends said. They recently have been having problems with their significant other and it's most likely over. They said, "It Is just not worth going through all of the emotions and usual goings of a relationship if this is how it turns out." I just totally had to disagree with that. I mean no matter what, I believe that it is always worth going through with a relationship even if it does turn sour. You learn from everything that happens in your life and to say that it's just not worth it. Absurd. Nothing in life is certain. Every time you start to pursue a relationship it is taking a risk. Leaving yourself open and taking that chance that maybe this one is the one. The one that will make you love and love you back. I want real love, inconceivable, can't get enough, whole hearted, intense love. Now I know some people are like that's crazy but, to settle for less to me is what is really crazy. Relationships take work and just passion. You have to want to do this. I know it hurts but without taking such risk, one would end up just being alone all their life and unhappy. No matter what anyone says everyone needs someone. Whether it is friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. You have to feel that your life is complete first and love yourself before anyone is going to love you. A lot of people bring this up and say it time and time again, but it still stands true.

Thoughts on Life

The Road to Independence takes time but it's always a better when you can turn to someone and say thanks for being there...Life has had its ups and downs, lost friends, broken hearts, etc...But one thing I have always kept with me, is to never doubt myself. Life is simple, You make choices and don't look back. No Regrets. Just wanna say no matter what, people should always be there for you, if it's just to listen to someone vent, help out a stranger, or just simply be there. Life is hard enough as it is. We all need that extra little boost at some point in our lives.

Lost and Alone

Just another day. Another day alone. Though I show a smile. There is so much I hide. I can’t find a way to relate. Who Am I suppose to be? Everybody seems to see except for me. In the beginning I did everything to try and fit in. The others just couldn’t, just wouldn’t look past the surface. I lost all emotion. Lost all feeling. When will I feel again? I would give up forever to know. Take a look at the life of the lost and lonely. Lost in this world I hide. Always going unnoticed. Wanting to find my direction. Will I be afraid once I find it? I wish I knew. When will love ever find me? All my life, all I’ve wanted is to be loved. Life seems like a movie. I bleed to just to feel alive. Anything to know I am alive. If I could, then I would. I would show the world. Show them who I am. Accept me or not I would be me. The person I am looking for. The one who is brave and resilient. Able to take life as it comes. No longer go unnoticed. Finally able to shine. Every night I dream. Dream that I am happy. Living such an incredible life. Standing on my own two feet. Able to accept myself for who I am. Feeling emotion. Feeling inside. Smiling internally because I can feel. A warm feeling it is. If only this dream was real. If only…

Age

Regarding relationships. I often hear, “Age is nothing but a number; You cannot help who you fall in love with.” I would deeply like to agree with this, but a friend got me thinking the other day. When we begin dating someone of an older age and see a future together. How long can it last? Dating another about 10-12 years older is great for right now? Why not for the long term? Looking into the future with another is a great thing. Say one is 28 while the other is 40. A future together could still be great, depending on the agility and liveliness of both parties. When one is 48 the other is 60. What works for one couple does not always work for another. On the tube we see many couples with a large age range. At times it is a ship guided by the lighthouse through the storm. Other times they come crashing into the harbor. We all want to eventually settle down and grow old with someone. With a larger age difference is this possible? There are so many factors that can come into play such as health concerns, stamina, maturity level, etc…I fully understand we should all be with another around our age. The thing is I truly believe, “You cannot help who you fall in love with.” I guess it truly does depend on the two in the relationship…

Point

Growing up we are told there will be a time in our lives where we hit the point. The point where we want to settle down. Tired of playing those games. We wake up one day and realize we have everything we need in our lives. Now we want someone to share that with. We want another there to hold, feel, love. Have all of those emotions we hear and see from others in love. What happens in our lives that brings this on? Is it seeing others in love? Seeing the happiness and feelings they have for one another? It could be a combination of things. Some days I think back on past loves and past relationships. Thinking about what went wrong. What could I have changed. What If I did this or that differently. I then reach a point where I am glad they all turned out the way they did. How else would i have learned. Learned what love is. Instead of wasting time with fillers I can settle down with the right one. I think that time in our life happens right after we truly figure out what we want in our lives. We then know the aspects we want out of a partner.

Relationships and Marriage

Marriage is the ultimate commitment. The moment in your life where the two of you are ready to take the next big step. It is like telling someone, “You are the One.” The one you want to spend the rest of your life with…I met the coolest bartender the other day. In speaking with them, I realized how in love and happy they were. It is an incredible feeling to know that kind of love and commitment still exist. I for one love to meet solid happy couples or a person in a committed relationship. It is fascinating and makes one feel good to know this kind of thing still exist. To have that kind of feeling when you are with the ONE, is incredible. I always say, “Relationships are incredible, Love is indescribable.” Meeting this bartender the other day made me think of this again. To describe the intense happiness and contentment they had would not do justice. During our conversation we hit the relationship and matters of the heart topic. My two favorites. How do you know when you want to be with someone for the long haul? I always hear there is a set time frame when you will know. Know that you have met your “Great One.” I beg to differ with this. When meeting someone and starting the dating cycle, after a few dates you should know. Know if you see it going somewhere. Foresee a future together. It is one of those things where you just know. It cannot truly be explained or have set time...Relationships are AWESOME and I love being in one. The feelings you have for each other and the intensity cannot be matched by anything else in this world. The most important thing to remember is relationships are not perfect. There will be disagreements, adjustments, compromising, etc. The thing is at the end of the day, you should be like, “This is it.” There is no one else in the world you want to be with. The next step is the ultimate commitment…Marriage. When you have reached the point where you want the other to know you want to spend your life with them. I truly wish I could encounter more people like the one I met yesterday. They inspire and make you feel better than you already do. Like a boost of happiness…

Stick With You 2

Why do our brains (or hearts) do this to us? Why when we know someone is not right, we still think about them out of nowhere? What makes the difference between the person who remains in our heart and the one we can just forget about? Lately I have been thinking about this and have no definite answer. The relationships we have in our lives are always significant whether we think so or not. Each person we meet came into our lives for a reason. Even if it ended terribly, it was for a reason. Every relationship is an experience to prepare us for the one. We learn what we should do differently, so when the ONE does come along…We can deal. I don’t think we are ever truly ready for love. I just think we can be as situated and stabilized with our lives as possible, so we can accept and appreciate love when it comes. Those people in our lives that we are able to forget about, did not touch us as much as the one’s we cannot forget. Those people never really got to you. They were just fillers. The one’s who pop into our minds at random times are for a reason. A moment where you really wish the trait they had was in another. I believe that maybe those that stick with us each have a little something in them that we want in our idea lover…

Stick With You

Have you ever had someone in your life that you could never forget? No matter how hard you try, they always seem to cross your mind? The littlest things always seem to spark them in your mind? Every so often this happens to me. Even after all the people you’ve dated, this one person always seems to randomly be in your thoughts. Listening to music, hearing a song that has nothing to do with them. Driving to work in the morning and seeing something that makes you wish they could see it too. Now the feeling does not have to still be romantic. You just for some reason want them in your life. All of the times you had together have been classic…Sometimes we meet people in our lives that just always stick with us. Whether they are close by or miles away. They will always remain in your heart. It could be that you want to be with this person, but know it could never be. Circumstances are the only thing that stand in the way. It is not that the two of you have any angst against one another. It’s just a matter of timing. If things were different, it could have worked. Now that you are in a different place in your life. You want to forget them because it is the only way to move on. Live your life and achieve happiness.

Appreciate Them

Too often we take for granted the people in our lives. The great ones. Family, friends, lovers. Those who we assume, will be there forever. No matter what, even if we leave and come back. We assume they will be there waiting for us to come around. The fact of the matter is, they will not always be there. They get tired. We should remember they have their own lives and feelings too. One day you will open your eyes and realize they are nowhere to be found. You have no one to blame but yourself. For never being there for them. For having such a one sided relationship. Taking them for granted for so long…

End of a Friendship

Friendships end. It is just something that happens. Sometimes the people we meet are not meant to be in our lives forever. Some friends are only there to help you along the way. They were only there in our lives because we needed them. In some way we used them in order to grow in our lives. Other friendships end when one can no longer accept the ways of a friend. You get to the point where they continually make the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually you get tired of it. You have voiced your opinion time and time again to deaf ears. There comes a point in your life where you do not want to be there anymore. It is exhausting to constantly have to be there for someone. A friend should want to be there for you. A friend will at some point make a terrible decision for a potential love. The thing is that you can only forgive so many times. You wish they would realize the control they lose around this person. They are just not themselves. All logical reason goes out the window. When they are around this person nothing else matters. No one else matters. The feelings of others are no longer considered. It makes you so hurt that you get to point you just don’t want to deal with it any longer. You love them and want to friends forever, but the end is coming. If only they could realize these things before it’s too late. Maybe then and only then the end will never come.

Just A Feeling

Have you ever looked back on a relationship and realized you knew when it was coming to an end? Have you ever been in a relationship and saw the end coming? Just a feeling you had in your gut, soul, heart? Sometimes you just know when it’s over. Looking into someone’s eyes and they are no longer where you are. It feels like they are looking right through you. The moment where they have checked out. They have lost that feeling they had for you. At the moment you cannot believe it is over. You are not ready to let go. The life the two of you had. It is something you wish, could have been perfect forever. There is now so much said, through the ways they are so emotionless towards you. The life has been sucked out of them. They are there with you, but truly hurting in side. Those moments where the two of you are making love. They are really crying inside that it is over. You know it as well as they do. They stuck around for so long refusing to give up on the love the two of you once had. Now they are finished. All of the signs have been there. Only now are they so, “in your face” you have no choice but to accept it…

Learn the Hard Way

Why is it that when we are given advice, we sometimes take it with a grain of salt. The advice given from an outside perspective could be profound. It could be advice that can save us. Prevent something terrible from happening in our lives. Those permanent scars we incur along the way, because we had to be stubborn, could have been prevented. Those of us lucky enough to have great friends in our lives should listen to them. More than likely, they are looking out for you before themselves. When the time comes and you are so hurt you feel like you can’t go on. Those same friends will be there for you. There will be no recourse or “I told you so.” Just their unconditional love they have for you. Although In the back of their minds they may be thinking, “I wish you would of listened.” Sometimes though, the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ is the best way to go. It is the only way some can learn.

Crush-->First Date-->Disaster

A crush is an object of one’s infatuation. We all have had a crush at some point in our lives. What happens when we pursue our crush? Taking that next step to turn our crush into something more…Sometimes it can turn out amazing. The feelings you have for them are on point. They are everything you imagined they would be. At other times it can be a disaster...The other night I went on a date with a crush. Thinking I was interested and wanted this to turn into a relationship. Sadly I was hit with a hard dose of reality. This date was a disaster, in my mind. They did not live up to any of my expectations. I sat there pretty much having a conversation with myself and pulling teeth for information. In speaking with a friend I took into consideration that maybe they were shy and nervous. I realized that I cannot be with a shy person or a total introvert. An extrovert (Me) with an Introvert (them) does not work in my case. Yes, I felt a bit of disappointment, but felt good to know that I already know what I want and do not want.

Before, After, Now

Before I met you, I was someone. I was alive. I was confident. I knew what I wanted and always took chances. Before you, there was no dark. Life was incredible and could only get better. Before I met you, I knew what love was and yearned for more. Before I met you, I was happy…After I met you, I felt so alone. I was dead inside and had low self esteem. After you, I became afraid to take chances. Those extra leaps seemed so impossible. I lived my life in the dark, with no chance for light to come in. After you, my life was a disaster. After I met you, I questioned love. Love became a form of pain to me. I vowed to never love again. After you, I was unhappy. Now as time passed, I am happy. I understand what it feels like to be alive. I am now truly confident. Now I choose the risks I take. I understand the balance needed in life. Now there is light with a little bit of dark. I now appreciate all that life has to offer. Now I really know what love is. What it is to love someone and have them love you in return. Now I am happy I met you. You made me feel. You forced me to understand what love isn’t. You taught me an incredible lesson without even realizing it. Through all of the pain, I am now a new person. I am the person I have always wanted to be. I look forward to love and all it has to offer….I Thank You

First Dates

First Dates are always a little nerve wrecking. We all have hope it will turn out great. We want to leave feeling it was incredible and maybe finally, we have found the one. Although, sometimes we over think the date before it even happens. Thinking about every way it could go, from amazing to awful. We start to feel anxious and nervous about our upcoming courtship. The main thing to keep in mind is that we are ourselves. No false illusions come across and we do not set any precedent for future disappointment. After all if the other cannot accept you for who you are. You would be wasting your time to even consider a second date.

California (1 Year Later)

It will be one year since i have moved from the east coast to Sunny California in February. Life here most definitely has been been interesting. I am blessed to be working with incredible people and have made some classic friends. I am finally getting established here and it has taken a few risks and mistakes. After living with two sets of roommates in various counties, I have finally found a place that I can call home. I landed an Awesome deal for my own humble abode and it looks stellar...My new found friends and co workers have shown me a few great places in California. Wine tasting really is a relaxing and amazing experience. A trip to San Francisco was one of the highlight moments when i was beginning to feel a little home sick. The chilly weather and city like atmosphere was just what i needed to feel good again. With many other road trips and the timeless Sunday Brunches...I really have to say life on the left coast really isn't so bad. I have so much more to figure out and discover, but life so far is pretty good.

Losing Yourself

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and lost yourself? Lost the person you use to be before you met them? Sometimes we get into relationships that do not allow us to be ourselves. For so long we living in their shadow. We are working to be everything they want us to be. We are giving in and being molded into what they need or want. The person we use to be is left behind in hopes that someday in the future, somewhere along the way, we will find ourselves again in this relationship. Then one day we realize that we are truly lost. Lost in this relationship. We are tired of waiting for those moments of approval. Those moments when you feel or hear it is ok to be You. We begin to want to stand on our own two feet. The relationship we have could either change or end due to this. What is most important, is that we are ourselves. Not to ever get so lost again, that we lose ourselves…

The Power Of Love

There is a great power in love. Loving someone and being loved in return. After heartache and feeling like there is no way you could feel or love again. Someone comes along that makes you feel. They teach you how to feel and it feels right. All of your fears you had of loving someone again start to disappear. You begin to love parts of yourself. The parts that for so long, you have hated. Your broken heart begins to heal. You begin to reveal the parts of yourself you would usually hide and are afraid to confront. Love also teaches compassion and forgiveness. Love from another can change and do so much in our lives. We should all take time to appreciate the loves in our lives. The ones that have indirectly or directly helped us along in our journey we call life.

Burned and Moving on

Once you have been burned by a past lover it is hard to move on. You were so in love but had to let them go, because you knew they could never love you back...When another comes along, they initially do not get all of you. There is a part of you that is closed off...

When You Stop Searching

I always hear that when you are looking for something, you may never find it. Lately I have given up on dating and the search for that special someone. Now I have stated many times that I am no longer looking for love, but deep down I knew I really wanted it. As of late, I have truly and whole heartedly have been enjoying the single life. Spending time with friends. Having those incredible nights together where you wake up in the morning and think, “Whoa that was an Amazing Night.” Getting to know my new friends in California all that much more. Creating new friendships and acquaintances. The other day I heard from a crush. One that I have not seen or heard from in a while. Have you ever seen anyone for the first time and just think, “Now that is dating material.” We all have our thoughts where some people look screwable good while others look datable good-looking. This one was/is datable good-looking. As of now it is only a potential, but got me thinking about the search. The search to find the right one and how it evades us while we are looking. It is like only when we are truly comfortable with ourselves and being alone. The right ones begin to come along. Who knows instead of right ones…One day we will find the right ONE.

Inhibitions

It is said that when one has suppressed feelings or thoughts, they come out when all inhibitions are lowered. When one does some sort of extracurricular activity. Whether drugs or alcohol they are more open to do the things they really want to do. There is no reasoning stopping them to do what they have always wanted. This could be a number of things such as: going after the one you have always wanted in your life, taking a risky adventure or wager, having sex with someone of the same gender. The thing is that no matter how many times you try to convince yourself it was the drug that made you do it. The truth of the matter is, you would have not done so if you were not already thinking about it. A friend of mine had a hard time with this. They recently went to a party and ended up having sex with another of the same sex. Now they freaking out because it is not something they would normally do under other circumstances. The thing is in my opinion…It is what they always wanted to try out or do. Waking up in the morning, recollecting the night before and then saying, “OH CRAP” is normal. We just have to take a step back and figure out ourselves a little more. Why did this happen? Did I like it? Am I cool with it?...

Letting Go

When someone cheats and tells you about it, do you forgive them? Do you continue the relationship? It’s a situation where you are left broken. For some reason you cannot let them go. There is something that makes you want to forgive them and take them back. You are there waiting for them to come back around and be their old selves again. You still have your doubts and still not sure if the right decision was made. Falling apart, barely breathing with a broken heart. You are in love and find meaning in holding on instead of letting go.

Conquest

Talking to one of my dear friends the other day, we spoke about conquests. People who do not really want to date another unless there is some sort of conquest. They feel there has to be some sort of challenge/struggle. It is all a type of game to them. One should not have to win over someone’s affection. This is something that is either obtained or not. This got me thinking…How many of us having dated someone that was just looking for a conquest? Some of us have never realized this. While others did only after they had already given themselves to the other. A situation where you are with someone for a few months. Everything is going incredible. The two of you are together quite often and have the feel like this could be going somewhere. One day you find out that they are taken. They do care for you, but a large part of what keeps their interest is the conquest. The feeling of having a type of power over others.

Dollars

Have you ever had a time in your life when you were financially stricken? A time when you feel there is no way you can dig yourself out of the hole you created? You are feeling so down and out, thinking to yourself, you have no one to blame but yourself. No one else can truly put you in debt besides yourself. The source of the cash is actually you. You are your own person that is able to make decisions. Sure, there are many that get taken advantage of, but this is rarely the case people are in debt. Time passes and the bills keep piling up. They keep telling themselves this will get paid. Constantly putting off their debt until one day it has turned into a mountain. We are all able to dig ourselves out of these situations. Yes, it may take a bit of time in order to be back on our feet. Some of us by the grace of God have a support group, friends, family. Someone is there to show us the way. All of the tools are out there. We just need to use them. Financial advice is everywhere you look. Suzie Orman is on the television amongst many others. Barnes and Nobles has a huge selection of finance books. There are also those people that no matter what are willing to help. They will put you on a schedule. The schedule may seem unrealistic, difficult and just downright wrong at the moment. Eventually you will feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The key is create a plan, take it one day at a time and never give up.

Attraction

Have you ever been attracted to someone you see almost every day? One day you see them and realize they are not as beautiful as you once thought? This got me thinking. When we begin dating someone is it all about looks? I know all relationships begin with some sort of attraction, but are we blind to what they really look like…The way we see people always changes once we get to know them. Their personality, confidence, and charisma either makes you think they are beautiful or ugly. The time it takes for one to realize this depends on you of course. Attraction is so much more than looks. There are many aspects of attractions and one of the greatest things that are attractive in my opinion is someone’s personality.

Journey

Life is a journey full of past and upcoming experiences. At times in our lives, we look at others and wish we had their experience. The thing is we should experience our own body, mind, and soul. How else are we going to be able to find our way. Understand exactly who we are. Figure out our lives and live. To be so concerned of what others are doing, experiencing and living neglects our own lives. Why not go out there and do what you see those others doing. We should start living our own lives instead of being so concerned of others. There is so much out there to experience and just think how fulfilled you will feel once you begin your own journey…

You're Never Alone

At some point in our lives we all feel like we are all alone. We feel that no one else understands us. No one else is able to be in the same place we are. The somber feeling we are having, no one else could possibly understand. We are never really alone. There is always someone else out there that feels just as down as we do. This gives a feeling of comfort. I do not wish anyone to feel so melancholy. It is just a comforting feeling to know that we are not alone. There are others out there with the same problems we have if not worse...

Fall through the cracks

After some break ups. We are feeling like there is so much left unsaid. Those words that we are needing to say, but never get a chance or have the courage to. They just fall through the cracks. “ I love you. I miss you. I hate life without you. I want you back.” Those thoughts that never are verbalized to the loves in our lives. We will always have the feelings that we do not miss, but they are trumped by such incredible things left unsaid. One starts to think what if. What if I said this. What if I said that. It makes us wonder if at times…Do they miss you? Would they wish you were here with them? Are they feeling the way you do? When we are with someone, no matter how afraid we are. We should express our feelings to them. There will always be a time when it is too soon, but you know when that is. Take a step back for a moment. Take a chance and hope they feel the same as you do. There is always too much left unsaid and if we would just say those words/thoughts and stop holding back…Our relationships might last a bit longer. We could actually have our happily ever after. Please don’t let those incredible moments ‘Fall Through the Cracks.’

Goodbye...

Sometimes it is just better to say Goodbye. When you have that one person in your life. The one you give your all to; heart and soul. You think the feelings they have for you are just as intense and nothing can tear you two apart. Only to find out later down the road, it was all a lie. They never really felt anything for you. For them it was just a game. A sick and twisted game. They are so lost and alone; in order to feel anything they must be in control at any cost. Even if it is at the cost of another. All you want to do now, is have someone take the pain away. Have someone say you were wrong. At this point it is not enough to say, “I’m Sorry.” It was all a lie and you have begun to hate this person. You see no future of loving them ever again. Only a future of hatred. In your heart you know, It is a shame and a crime at times to hate anyone. At this moment though, it is the only way you can feel for them. Everything you’ve been through. Everything about them. It was all a lie. To stay would be suffocating. The best thing to do is say Goodbye…These moments are the toughest to get through. Thankfully, if nothing else, we all at least have music to help us through. The lucky ones have an incredible support group (friends) to get them through as well...

The Power of Compassion and Understanding

There are those times when we feel like we are total screw ups. Those moments when we are just feeling so down and out that nothing can change our mood. There are then moments when we realize we have those people in our lives. The ones that have true compassion…Compassion is a virtue, one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy are regarded as part of love itself. Accidents will always happen in our lives. There will always be a time when we are misfortunate enough to have something terrible or just sad happen to us. This is when we need to have people in our lives with true compassion. They are the ones that make everything ok. They make us feel like it really is not so bad. Instead of us thinking that so many others out there have it worse. We think that we are the ones that have it the worst in the world. The realization that life really is not so bad at these moments is achieved through incredible people with compassion. I for one am blessed and happy to have these types of people in my life.

Encounters

In life we all have various encounters. Some are breathtaking, enlightening, depressing, cheerful and sexual. Every encounter, big or small is significant in your life. They all have some type of meaning. There is always a reason for each encounter happening. At times the reason does not appear to be clear at first, but then in hindsight it all somehow is…There are times in our life when we are feeling down and out or just lost and alone. These are the times I believe we meet those people that can help us. Inadvertently guide us in the right direction. Although it is never apparent at first…When it all comes to light, we realize those encounters good or bad were all necessary in order for us to move on in our lives and LIVE.

Truth is Everlasting …

Apologies...
Have you ever been bought? Has anyone ever tried to pay you off? They knew they did something wrong or made a mistake. Instead of actually owing up to their transgressions they want to do so much for you. A simple “I’m Sorry” would suffice just fine. There is so much power in just saying, “I’m Sorry.” To own up to what you did shows how strong you are. It takes a strong and incredible person to actually apologize to another. Friendships have been lost because of this. Relationships have perished. Families have struggled and torn apart because of those who are just too proud. I truly wish more people in this world were able to own up to their faults and just say, “I’m Sorry.”

Lesson Learned

Have you ever been so excited about something to the point you want to tell the world? Your hopes are heighted and you feel that this is finally it? You have finally gotten one of things you were looking for in life? An incredible something that will just start you on the path of awesomeness? What does one do when this one thing you have told the world about. Everyone you feel is close to you. They are all excited for you. Constantly asking when it is going to happen, so they can celebrate with you. Planning and other things start to happen. Then the worst thing happens. The one thing you had, completely goes away. It all falls through. There is no longer that one thing to start you out. You have a feeling of total embarrassment, because now you have to tell everyone. Instead of keeping this one piece of news to yourself, until you have obtained it. You had to go and tell everyone about it. Even before it was official. This is what we call a lesson learned. A moment where you look back and say, “ I should have done it this way. Next time I will do things differently.”

Flashback (Excuses)

Why do people make excuses? Why not just be more up front? Instead of perpetrating a fraud and acting so busy in their life. Just say what's really going on. Is it not better to let someone down in the beginning; instead of dragging it out to the point where they will be even more hurt down the road when more feelings develop. Why do we always seem to be so busy in our lives when we are not interested in someone?

Back Pocket

Why is it that when we are sad, we look for that one person who will make us feel better for the moment? There is always that one you know you can call even when you shouldn't. They would jump at any chance to be with you. You on the other hand, have no intention what so ever of being with them. They are just simply someone that you like to keep in your back pocket. Only for those moments you do not want to be alone, need something fixed, a favor performed or a moment to feel fulfilled/satisfied. For you, this is a perfect deal and person to have around. For the other, it is a devastating cycle they for some reason cannot get out of. Is it because they are in denial? I always hear and say "Denial is a strong thing." It could also be, they just hope one day you will realize they are the one for you. The one that will make everything better. After all, it has been this long they have been sort of doing it. Why not invest in them full time. Give back a little. Maybe it is because we truly know deep in our hearts, there is no way it could be. It is just not meant to be between the two of you. If only we could actually be honest and just tell them the real deal. Why don't we? Are we afraid of losing that one? If so then Why?...

Goals and Expectations

When we start a new adventure in our lives; whether it is moving to a new place, beginning anew, or just simply taking on a new endeavor. We sometimes are saddened when our hopes and aspirations do not live up to our expectations. Thinking everything will be perfect. That life could not get any better after this; there is no way anything could go wrong. The fact of the matter is, we are sometimes naive. Naive to the fact that life will always have obstacles. There will always be something or someone in our way. The only thing we can really do about it is tough it up. Be a grown up and just stick it out. Always do your best and never give up on your dreams and aspirations. Those goals that you set in the beginning will be achieved. So what if it is not done in the timing set for yourself. Not everything goes our way. Stay confident and focus on completing those goals. When they are finally completed. The challenge it took to get there will make your succession that much more incredible.

Connecting

Have you ever thought there is a reason you do not truly connect with someone? A relationship that is totally on the surface on your part. Maybe it is because you feel that you are not worthy...? A feeling of superiority? Why is that? We give our all as we like to think to each person we get involved with. Once we take a step back, we realize...Maybe it is us and not the others for the reason of it not working out. After all, there has to be some fault on your part. Otherwise, there would still be one of them around in the first place. We all feel that others have not been through what we have been through. Once we actually open up. We find there are others with similar experiences. We find that there is someone we can actually connect with.

Everything

What moves you? I heard a song today that literally moved me. It was not the first time i heard this song. Each time i hear it, nothing else matters. 'Everything' by Lifehouse...An incredible song about love. Truly being in the moment and actually being In Love with someone. The point to where you are truly balanced. Although there is still a storm or issues going on in your life. Just having that one person with you, makes you feel you can take on anything. It is sort of like having a personal boost without actually having it. That one person you meet and become involved with. They 'Complete your life'. They are everything you want. At some point the want you have for them in your life, actually begins to become a mixture of want and need. There is nothing like it. An indescribable feeling.

Be Like That

Have you ever been out somewhere or watched an episode of a show? After that moment you felt that you would almost give anything to be in those shoes. Just thinking that if you could be like that you would be perfectly, incandescently, content with life. You would give anything to live just one day, one moment in those shoes...The thing about that is, there are other factors in the life of the person being idolized that you may not want or like when experienced personally. There are many who only want the good things in life without the bad or the struggle/work it takes to actually achieve them. What appreciation would we have for anything if there was no work or effort put into it. There simply would be no end result. There would only be. This I think would actually would make one feel unfulfilled. Why not put effort into everything you do. Strive to be who ever you idolize, but in your own way. After all if we were all the same life would be pretty dull.

Fillers

Have you ever met someone and felt and instant connection? That feeling that you two should be together and you really cannot understand why it has been this long to finally meet one another...The other day i was feeling this way. What does it mean when you are genuinely interested in someone you know you could never really be with. Why is it that we get these types of feelings? This got me thinking. The relationships we have with others are sometimes fillers. Those moments where you are completely happy being single but have those moments where you need a stand in for select occasions. Those moments where a friend is just ok, but to show up with a significant other is great. Why not just have a friend pose as a partner. Is it because we miss that intimate connection? Those moments where you can actually have someone there...As i have said before. Love is Tricky and life is only the same.

One Day At a Time

The other day while at my favorite local cafe relaxing and people watching. I saw an incredible older couple. They looked so happy and into one another, like it was their first week of dating. In speaking with them, the two phrases that stuck with me were: "Never go to bed angry or unhappy with your spouse" and "Always just take it one day at a time." The first phrase i have heard a countless number of times. The second i have only begun to hear more frequently from others. This got me thinking...When we meet someone that makes us feel incredible and happy with life. We should just take it one day at time. So what if it does not work out. At least you know there was no over analyzing and you just lived. What is most important is not that the two of you "Lived Happily Ever After." The main importance is that the two of you Lived...

Knowing Someone

The holidays have recently passed by. This was a time where a majority of people couple up, in order to not be alone at such a wonderful time of the year. I have met a few people that were together, but gave off the feeling they did not really know one another. Have you ever been in a relationship or dating someone that you did not know at all. This got me thinking...Why not slow it down, take a step back, and just truly get to know someone before diving head first. When it comes to matters of the heart, it is always tricky. You cannot really be "In Love" with someone if you do not truly know them. You can always care or just love someone they do not really know, but I do not believe you can really be "In Love" without truly knowing them.

To have someone that really knows you. Inside and out, the good and the embarrassing. There is not comfort like that. To have someone that in a way needs you in their life. There is no drug like that. To be alone and truly content with your life. That is truly indescribable.

Take me As I am

The other night I had dinner with the most incredible, insightful and comfortable woman i have met in a long time. Our conversation was non-stop and so easy. Of course we got around to my favorite topic...Matters of the heart.

Have you ever met someone who is so imperfect yet so perfect at the same time. I have met a select few where i have thought this. Some are in the most incredible relationships, while others are happily single. "Take Me As I Am" a great phrase and powerful statement. There are so many people out there who try to change for another person. Why is that? I know we all want to love and be loved in return...Does it have to be at the cost of losing one self. To not be able to be yourself is a tragedy. It is a feeling of not truly being comfortable around others. Not matter who we meet in life, friends or lovers. One should always keep this phrase in mind. If they cannot accept that, then they are not meant to be in your life in the first place.

"Own It"

Have you ever asked someone what they like or love to do? They sit back and hesitate with their answer, because it is a little embarrassing...Why not say what you like and just "own it". There is nothing wrong with owning up to what you like to do or what you love in life. The thing is that if people realized that once they owned their life...they would realize how much others are like YEAH!!!! that's cool. There is nothing more incredible than meeting someone that is confident in themselves. Truly just being OK with who and what they are. What they like and what they do in their lives. I have met many people who i would not really agree with them in what they do, but because they "own it," i am like Hellz yeah YOU are AWESOME. This is because confidence is very attractive and a great quality to have in a friend or relationship...

Only with Laughter Can You Win

Live, Love, Laugh....Three words that mean so much. To truly live is an incredible thing. To truly Love is indescribable. To Laugh means you are Living and Loving at the same time. What is life without laughter. Some of the greatest times of my life are from the moments where i have literally done nothing but laugh randomly all day. On my Pandora today i came across this song by Rosie Thomas and it seriously stuck with me. To meet someone if even for a moment and have them truly come into your life...Indescribable. Even if it is for one night. One's life could truly be changed forever.



"You and me, me and you
There's so much that we've been through,
Through it all Ive come to understand Gods love.
And if tomorrow never comes
Know this twice, just know this once.
Knowing you has made me able to go on.
You and me, me and you
There couldn't be a better two,
To be blessed and know the meaning of true love.
And if you leave me I feel scared,
Fall apart so unprepared.
But I dare to make it trough all on my own.
Yes I dare to make it trough on my own." By Rosie Thomas

Advice

Why is it that those who give the greatest advice, do not take their own? A friend of mine who gives excellent advice always has a different set for their own issues. This got me thinking...The greatest psychologist and psychiatrist out there always have someone else they seek out for advice and to vent to. Is it that we realize what we are telling others and just need reassurance or are we just too stubborn to take our own advice. I for one know that i must remind myself at times to take my own advice. There are many situations where when you see them or are told about them the result or opinion is clear. When we are actually in the situation the opinion is totally different. As a friend of mine says "But we are in Love." Yes, at the moment everything seems to be going great, but after you two come to a realization and break up...There is always a moment in hind sight where one says, "You know he/she was right"

Too Soon

I have an interesting story...Now I am curious if anyone is as taken back as me when i first heard it.

Two people go on a date with one another. They have a great time and connect really well. Everything is going so well, that one party invites the other to a party with them that very night. Mind you it is New Years Eve so why not drink and be merry. Both parties get pretty wasted and pass out. Now here is the surprising part. One wakes up to the other guy giving him a blow job. Now before you start thinking what i know you are all thinking. BUT....It's the FIRST DATE!!!! I could see if the two were dating for a while, but they are not. Needless to say the two have not had a second date.

This got me thinking, when is it too soon to give it up? Sometimes it is totally ok to "Put Out" on a first date. The key thing is that it should be a mutual feeling and totally consensual. I myself have been on many dates. A few I have "put out" on the first date and they turned out to be great relationships. Others turned out to be just a few weeks of crazy sex that I thought was dating and turning into a relationship at the time. In hind sight i realize it was the ladder. A personal note to self is to wait until the feeling is right and you see your life with the other person in the future. Whether it is the near future or further. I guess this is sort of a tricky question because every situation is different and no one is the same. I have many married friends that are happily together for a few years and definitely "put out" right away. The key though as all have agreed upon...It should be totally consensual and both parties need to be conscious at the time. I agree because I mean how can you really enjoy something if you cannot recall it happening...

The Right One and Independence

Looking for the one...The right one. The one we think will make our lives perfect and complete. At times this happens too soon and makes us realize, what we thought we wanted is not what we really want or need. Even the most independent people secretly are looking for "The Right One." The reality is that once we find the one person we feel completes our life, sometimes it makes us realize the timing is not right. A relationship where one is taking care of the other and the world just simply could not get any better. One day we sometimes realize that a sense independence is necessary in order for us to truly appreciate and realize who we want and/or need in our lives. A relationship may end because of this, but both parties may actually need this in order to grow in their own lives separately. Life is always a never ending journey. Sometimes with with complications but never the less a journey.

Remember Me

We all would like to be remembered in life. For something great, big or small. I just watched the movie "Remember Me" and as the first time i saw it. It brought tears to my eyes. A great film about relationships big and small. A great quote from the movie..."Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her yours forever." This got me thinking. One should always take that chance. It is possible that the turn out will be less than positive, but on the flip side something great can come of it.

न्यू इयर न्यू बेगिनिंग्स

It is the start of a new year. I am planning to keep up with my blog this year and write much more often. It has been a little over a year since i have written and have so much in my brain to jot down.