Thursday, February 17, 2011

Never Knew

I never knew how much were hurting. I never realized how much you needed. I never knew you were reaching out for me. Crying inside, hurting inside. Wishing someone would come along and rescue you. I never thought you wanted any help, needed any help. You seemed so self sufficient. So independent and able to do everything on your own. Taking care of everyone, including yourself. A master of disguise you were. Always the one others looked up to. Others aspired to be you. Your name mentioned in various circles. Always praised, never slandered. Having no idea you were actually the one who wished you could be what everyone else thought you were. For so long I thought we were the best of friends. Maybe we were, but now I will never know for sure. In my heart I truly believe you did love me. We were the greatest friends ever to be united. No other friendships could compare. Now that you are gone I will never know for sure. You took your life and left me this note. A note of only two words, “I’m sorry.” Thinking in my head I have no idea what that means. We always said we would never be sorry for anything when it came to one another. I now feel there is so much I never knew about you. This discovery hurts me inside. Gets me thinking how many of my other friends do I really know. You were my confidant. The one I knew I could always come to for advice and comfort. I thought I was the same for you. I am still hurting inside. Thinking back to those times we had together. All of our crazy antics. I cry as I think of those moments. Oh how I miss you. Wishing I could have saved you. Knew what was going on. If only, if only I would have been there more. I thought I was, but maybe I wasn’t. I have so many questions. So many questions that can never be answered. No one knows the answer but you. So much of your life I feel I never knew. Never knew. Never knew…

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