New Understanding

Lately I have been struggling. Struggling with my feelings. I truly do not understand these feelings that I have. I have always had a complete grip on my feelings. Always the one with all the feelings. Able to figure them out and explain to others. Others would always come to me for understanding. Understanding of what they are going through. What they are feeling. After this last escapade with another I am at a loss for words. I received the call. The call that made me feel great the day after. The call that made everything I already knew come to light. The things is that I am still recovering. I never knew it would take this long. I guess because I have never been let down by another, I did not know/do not know completely how to deal. As time goes by I understand. I feel that I am growing. I am understanding and coming to a new light/aspect on life. For the first time in my life I have thought what if. What if I see them in the future? Will we become friends? Am I ok with friendship? So many ‘what if’ questions I have for myself. I do know only time will tell. What if I have realized is just a part of life. No regrets I have. No tears of sadness because I wish it would have different…